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‘It’s Not Just Unbelievable, It’s Unconstitutional’
President Trump on Monday held an extended cabinet meeting at the White House, where he explained why he changed his mind about holding the Group of 7 conference at his luxury golf club in Miami. Trump defended his initial choice to host world leaders at Trump National Doral, saying other presidents, including George Washington, had conducted personal business while in office.
Mr. Trump also bragged about Doral several times throughout the meeting, as well as on Twitter over the weekend.
“Even Trump’s announcement about not using his resort is a commercial for his resort. [As Trump] Look, clearly — clearly I would never use the office of the president to promote one of my own properties, even the one-of-a-kind, world-famous Trump Doral. You know our motto: It’s not just unbelievable, it’s unconstitutional.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“[As Trump] I’m bigger than Jesus, I’ll tell you this. I have way more hotels. Seriously, that guy couldn’t even get into an inn, O.K?” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (Pierre Delecto Edition)
“It just came out that Mitt Romney has been using a secret Twitter account where he supported himself and criticized President Trump, and goes by the name — this is real — Pierre Delecto. What? Wow. Pierre Delecto. It sounds like an evil chef at Au Bon Pain.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Romney’s been running the account since 2011. Yep, Pierre Delecto is 8 years old and loves Twitter. He’s just like the president.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Mitt Romney doesn’t drink, he doesn’t curse, he’s been married to the same woman for 50 years. You just know that Pierre Delecto is Romney’s bad boy alter ego who only comes out after he’s had half a can of Diet Coke.” — JAMES CORDEN
“He recited some of the accounts he follows, including late-night comedians, ‘What’s his name, the big redhead from Boston?’ Big redhead from Boston? He has a name, sir. it’s Ginger O’Pale-body.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Mitt is like, ‘Conan? What a weird first name.’ O.K., Mitt.” — CONAN O’BRIEN
“Here are some of the tweets over the last couple of months from Pierre Delecto. There’s this one: ‘Does anyone else find ketchup to be too spicy? #TacoTuesday, #Virginmargs.’ There’s this one: ‘The automated voice that says ‘wait’ at street crossings is too sexy!’ Check this one out: ‘Apples are too crunchy and bananas are too mushy, but you can’t go wrong with a pear!’ ‘Just took the “Which Harry Potter Character Are You?” personality quiz, and turns out I’m the wand!’ There’s this one: ‘These sexy Halloween costumes keep getting worse. A sheet with two holes in it? Pure pornography.’ And finally: ‘I had another sexy dream about that big redhead late night from Boston. What’s his name again? God, he’s so unmemorable.’” — CONAN O’BRIEN
“But I have a bone to pick with Pierre because it turns out, Conan’s not the only late night host he follows — he also likes Jimmy Kimmel and Jimmy Fallon. No, no — you know what? I get it. And I’m proud to launch our new ad campaign: ‘Jimmy Kimmel and Jimmy Fallon: The choice of Mitt Romney. Watch “The Late Show” only, CBS!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Bits Worth Watching
Desus and Mero are not thrilled about a set of stairs in the Bronx becoming a tourist trap after they were featured in “Joker.”
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
John Lithgow will chat with Colbert about taking on the role of Roger Ailes in the new movie “Bombshell.”