Stephen Colbert Creates an Activity Book for Bored Senators


“If you didn’t want to be bored at work, you shouldn’t have become a senator, O.K.? You should have stuck with racecar driving, Mitch McConnell.” — TREVOR NOAH

“The trial did not end until almost 10 p.m. last night, but Democratic senator Dianne Feinstein walked out of the Senate chamber at 8:45. She said good night to two reporters standing nearby and left the Capitol. Well, that’s a bold new take on the Democrats’ battle cry: When they go low, we go home.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“But you know, if senators are looking for things to do without their phones, we’ve created an activity book they can play, called ‘101 Fun Things to Do in the Senate Other Than Pay Attention to Impeachment.’ It’s loaded with puzzles, like ‘Getting money to Ukraine through the maze of corruption,’ ‘Spot six differences between these two impeachments,’ and if those two are too hard, ‘Connect-one-dot.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Also, you know who else is used to talking and moving and has difficulty listening for long periods of time? Children. We talk about senators the way pre-K teachers talk about story time: ‘Well, they’re used to moving and talking, so we only made it halfway through “Clifford Commits a Crime.”’” — SETH MEYERS

“Today, Senate Republicans said they were looking forward to hearing President Trump’s side of the story. Which means I guess they’re not on Twitter. He’s been tweeting nonstop — he pretty much told us everything he thinks while sitting on a toilet in Switzerland.” — CONAN O’BRIEN

“He tweeted eight times in 20 minutes this morning. I wish Trump’s Twitter account worked like when you log into online banking — you can only do it three times before they lock you out.” — JIMMY KIMMEL



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